19

my beta's a freaking 19. i.am. livid. obviously staring down the barrel of another chemical pregnancy. thanks for ripping my heart out of my chest once again IF, you piece of sh!t. the nurse told me that "we have to treat this as an actual pregnancy" so I have to continue the shots. that's really encouraging. glad to know that they have absolutely no hope for a positive outcome. i don't blame them. i told her that 19 is totally pathetic and she didn't disagree.

i'm sort of upset but mostly just seething with anger. i'll save my tears for wed. i have my repeat beta on wed. i can't wait for that call telling me that the hcg has dropped to a 4 or a 3 or a 2. so here i sit knowing that i'm barely pregnant and my endo ridden body is just trying to finish killing off the last of the embryos. i'm sure it will get the job done in the next 48 hours. i'm super efficient in that way.