I needed a break

I needed to take away some of the power that infertility has over my daily life. I've been consumed and I'm tired of it. I guess it's okay to be consumed by something if the energy is positive. Unfortunately, since my last cycle, every single thought of TTC has been 100% negative so I needed some distance.

My family came to visit for a week so my "break" was going very well. It seems so soon but it's already time for my laparoscopy. Tomorrow's the big day, just shy of a year since my last lap. I'm not excited at all about the lap. Last time I was so excited because I thought it would actually make a difference. What a joke. Now I feel like it is just another step that we have to take on the road to being told that we will never have children. I'm just going through the motions and I expect no positive outcome from it.

I was telling J tonight that I think I'll be disappointed in my surgery results, whatever they are. If there is tons of endo then that sucks. If they find no endo then that sucks too, because then we don't know what's preventing implantation. Last year my OB found stage II-III endo. I guess that's what I'm expecting again. Uggh, let's get this over with.