So how did it turn out?

Those beautiful PGD embryos that I posted ended up giving us one perfect beautiful baby girl. She was born in June, 2009 and she is the absolute light of our lives. After we lost the twin at 9 weeks things were fairly uneventful. I had some intense siatica and lots of headaches. Those were annoying for me but no problem for the baby.

At week 34 I had a scare with low amniotic fluid that landed me at monitoring appointments for the rest of the pregnancy. Tons of early contractions worried me but ended up making my labor and delivery wonderful. I was able to labor at home until I was 6cm and then checked into the hospital and got an epidural. That allowed me to relax for about 4 hours while I progressed. Then I literally pushed 3 times and delivered her. She weighed 7 1/2 lbs and was 20 inches long.

Everything about parenthood has been just as we had hoped. Our only hurdle has been an insane 7 months of colic. Even in her worst most colicy moments she is an absolute angel in our eyes. I guess that's one benefit of IF, if you can call it that. All of the trials and tribulations of getting pregnant make other issues seem so insignificant. It's been a great parenting tool so far to help me keep things in perspective.

To sumarize, we have been blessed beyond belief.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!

That was weird how I just disappeard for 18 months. Let me explain and update. Unfortunatley we lost one of our twins at 9 weeks. We had already seen two heartbeats and become attached to the idea of twins so it hurt. It hurt a lot. That's when I stopped updating this blog. Somehow I couldn't bring myself to write a post about loosing one of them. It may sound strange but it was just too sad at the time.

Then after we made it out of the first trimester I started a pregnancy/baby blog for my friends and family. I didn't want it to be linked to this one because we keep our IF fairly private. At that point I wanted a break from IF and time to experience the joy of pregnancy. So that lead to this blog collecting a lot of dust. Now, after all this time I decided to dust the cobwebs off continue our story. I don't know if anyone out there will find any of this remotely interesting or helpful but I enjoy having a record of my treatments and their outcomes.

Twins, twins, TWINS!!!!!!!

I don't even know where to start. There's only one reason for my lack of blog entries. I.am.scared.to.death. I'm totally overwhelmed with how lucky we have been since our first beta and I'm terrified that something bad is going to happen. I'm scared to talk about the pregnancy, or think about it, or write about it. Even though I'm kidding myself, I sort of think that if I avoid those things then I won't get too attached and I won't jinx it. Anyway, there are just too many important things happening to keep quiet any longer.

Our 3rd beta came back at 1000! It more than doubled every 48 hrs. What a miracle!! Even before our 3rd beta we had to tell J's parents and my mom. We wanted to keep it to ourselves but they knew when we had the transfer so they were starting to ask. I was very very nervous about sharing the news because I was still so skeptical. They were all so happy for us but still reserved and cautious.

We went in for our first ultrasound at 5 weeks. It was so early that they were only looking for the sac to make sure it was in the uterus. Luckily things looked good and there was one beautiful little sac. I was a little disappointed that there was only one, but how on earth could I not be thrilled with a little baby in there. That day my progesterone came in at 202.

We went back for our second ultrasound at 6 weeks. We were checking for a yolk sac but I was praying so hard that we would see an early heartbeat. That's when we got the shock of our lives. Dr. D started the ultrasound and passed over the sac and mentioned that it was much larger than the week before. Then he moved on and there was another sac. He didn't say anything and I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. After checking both sacs several times he said, "it's twins." Those were the most beautiful words I've ever heard. I got a little teary and J started laughing uncontrollably and then he started sweating all over. LOL. I couldn't believe how happy he was. It was precious. We were on cloud nine.

Now J's been walking around for a week shouting twins and then laughing. It's so cute! I'm just as happy but I'm scared out of my mind. We're preparing to go back for our week 7 ultrasound tomorrow. We need to see the heartbeats. I've been going out of my mind worrying about it and saying lots and lots of prayers.

Beta #2 = 415!!!!!!!!!

I am so so so happy with my second beta number. I'm still in total shock. I just can't believe this could actually be working for us. We had to tell my mom and J's parents and sister. They knew the approximate schedule so they were starting to ask lots of questions. We didn't think we could keep them in suspense any longer. I actually got really strange about telling them. I didn't want anyone to know yet. Things can still go so bad but I guess we would need their support anyways. Both of our moms cried, his sister was super excited, and his dad told us to cancel the party that we have planed for next weekend. (guys are funny)

My contentment was short lived because of the onset of a horrible migraine. When it comes to pregnancy I view migraines as the kiss of death. With both chemical pregnancies I've come down with a horrible migraine just as my HCG started to tank. So, of course to me and migraine = miscarriage. I suffered quite a bit for the last 2 days. The first night I took oxyc.odone (approved by dr) and it helped take the edge off of my head but it still hurt and I felt drunk. Yesterday I took a vico.din (also approved by dr) and it did absolutely nothing for me. I spent the afternoon laying in the dark with ice on my head trying not to throw up. I came out of the dark at 6:30 for my proge.sterone shot and then went back to bed. I got up again at 10:30 to try to eat some dinner. I managed to eat a tomato, grabbed another cold ice pack and went back to sleep. I think I slept for about 13 hrs to conquer that headache. There has to be a better way.

Luckily I felt much better this morning. We got up and went straight to the doctor's office for my 3rd and final beta. I am sitting here scared out of my mind that it's going to be bad news. Come on phone, ring!!!

Beta #1 = 186!!!!!!!!!!

This is the best anniversary present I could have ever imagined! I'm on cloud nine! Dr. D called me himself and he sounded so pleased with the results and happy to finally be delivering good news. My progesterone is 196. That is actually giving me more comfort than the beta.

There is no way I can wrap my brain around this yet. It's far too fresh and delicate. I'm so terrified of my second beta tomorrow. I was fairly calm going into the first beta because I was pretty sure that something would show up after the hpts. Now I have no way at all to guess if it's doubling as it should. I have never ever ever had a beta go up. This is the part where I start getting really scared. The wait tomorrow will be far harder than yesterday. I'm not complaining though. This is a much better position than I've ever been in before.

Wow, what a blessing!! J is so happy and scared too. I've been trying to keep our parents in the dark about our beta date. I told my mom that I couldn't tell her the date because it would stress me out. J's parents started asking him today if I've POAS. That's very unlike them so they must be really worried for us. He told them that we would know tomorrow. I was hoping to hold everyone off until our 3rd beta but that's okay. I'm glad they're all excited.

Well, this is different

I tested again this morning and the line is getting to be sort of impressive. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it really isn't that much lighter than the control line. It's so different from my previous chemical pregnancies. I've been carrying my test around with me all day like a psycho because I can't believe it. I think I've shown it to DH about a hundred times.

Tomorrow is the big day. I'll go in for my beta at 8:30. I am so so nervous about it. I'm praying that it's over 100 so I can go into my second beta with a little confidence. Tomorrow is also our anniversary so hopefully that will bring us lots of good luck.

8dp5dt: Digital Says Pregnant

Well, I made it a couple of days without testing. Then I started thinking that my positive test might be a fluke. I decided to POAS tonight and see if I could get a good result out of a digital. I am so extremely relieved that it was positive!!! Yay.

I've been blown away by the amount of cramps that I have had for the last few days. These cramps are like my worst AF cramps. They get especially bad when I lay down at night. I would think that they are period cramps for sure but they've been going on for days and I never get cramps until CD1. Since this is something I've never experienced with my chemical pregnancies, I'm hoping that this is a good sign for strong implantation.